How To Be A More Patient Mom
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How to be a more Patient Mom
I have never been a patient person. Even when I was younger, my mom would say something to the effect of “I can’t wait ’til you have your own kids. That will teach you to be patient”. Well, it sort of did. But not really. I still don’t have enough patience to spread around to all the ‘things’ in my life. I am just not a patient mom.
This is not a ‘I’m going to complain about my life’ post. I love my life. I love my daughter and husband, they fill my life with great joy. I enjoy my job, our house, etc. I just don’t have patience. I like things done when I’m ready for them to be done and not a second later. This is, however, no way to live. To be frank, it sucks. I’m always stressing about little stuff (and big stuff), I’m sure my daughter is used to the scowl on my face, and it’s just not happy.
Patience In Motherhood
I decided that I wanted to live a happier, more purposeful life and that needed to start with my attitude. My attitude and my patience. When things don’t go exactly how I want them to, it might still be okay, right? This ‘change’ didn’t happen over night. It took trial and error, a little research and much practice. But it helped. I am more patient, I have more smiles on my face, and I find I have more time to spend with my family! Here’s what I changed.
Sleep:
I know. This is way harder than it seems, right? As moms we beg for time to relax, time for ourselves, quiet time. So we stay up late after the kids go to bed, trying to achieve this but then we don’t get enough sleep. Everyone ‘needs’ different amounts of sleep but the experts say getting 7-8 hours is optimum. Try it. Make sleep a priority. A well rested mom is a {more} patient mom.
Fuel:
Along the same lines as sleep are other two life essentials: food & water. I’m not going to harp on what you should eat or drink but a hungry and dehydrated mom is going to be innately crabby. I hear this all the time and almost scoff at it, but it’s true: You can’t take care of your family if you don’t first take care of yourself.
Time Outs:
Not for my daughter but for me. When I see myself starting to loose my patience or get irritated by a situation, I step away and take deep breaths. I have done this while lying on my bed, sometimes I go outside, or sometimes just laying on the floor. I just need a room of quiet, about 10 deep breaths, and I then feel refreshed and patience is restored.
My To-Do List:
To many things on my to do list is an instant stressor. I look at the list and don’t even know where to start, I feel overwhelmed and that increases stress and lowers patience. So I started breaking down my to do list by times of the day. Before breakfast, before lunch, before dinner, and before bed. It isn’t as overwhelming, mostly because I think it seems much more manageable.
Child’s Eyes:
Many times I loose my patience in the moments when it’s crunch time. When it’s time to get up & get ready for school, time to go out the door, when I’m trying to multi-task, or bedtime. Oh bed time is the W.O.R.S.T.! During those times I know that it is go time. I know that we have ABC to get done before we can do D. Does my daughter understand that? Like REALLY understand? Or am I just assuming that her little brain is comprehending the requirements for those short 10 minutes?
Explain:
To go along with seeing things from the child’s perspective, explaining is so important. And not just rambling off a list while you pass from room to room. I used to wonder why she wouldn’t do what I asked. Well I was asking her to ” get dressed, brush your hair, brush your teeth, put your shoes on, grab your back pack, and eat breakfast”. She would get stuck..because it’s too much to ask.
Sit down, turn off distractions (we have cartoons on in the morning.. probably not a good idea), look her in the eye and explain to the child what is expected of the next 5 or 10 minutes and then break it down. So what I have started doing is explaining the main goal: Okay princess, it’s time to get ready to go to school. We have 30 minutes before we have to leave. Then break it down: I am going to (do my hair, get dressed..whatever) and I would like you to go get dressed. When you’re done come find me. Then when she is dressed and comes to me I give her the next task: brush your hair. Etc, Etc, until it’s all done and we’re ready to go.
Quality Time:
We all know that daily QT is important for a child. They want us to be around them, to be involved in ‘their stuff’, and to seem interested in their lives. I KNOW how hard this can be sometimes. If I had a maid and a chef and a personal assistant I could spend QT with my little girl all day every day, but that’s just not happening. So I try to do as much as I can. Some days are more than others. Some days I have to allot 10 minutes every hour to playing with her, just so I can be with her and get my to-do list done. But it works. The days that I make a point to spend quality time with her are the days that she is more behaved. She isn’t begging for my attention or acting out to get noticed. When she feels wanted, appreciated and cared about she is happy. When she is well behaved it is easier for me to be patient when something does go wrong.
Being a patient mom is not easy. We’re stressed, overwhelmed, and stuff is thrown at us (figuratively and realistically) all day long. Often we have expectations that are honestly to much for us to handle. The pressure is high! That being said, it is not impossible to be patient. It may take some work but it is possible. And how wonderful it is when the house is calm and peaceful because Mom isn’t screaming!
